Moments and The Power of Not Laughing

Moments and The Power of Not Laughing

cafe tablesI didn’t know what to expect. The guy was a complete stranger, yet here we were having a delightful and very natural conversation. We talked about our kids, observations about life and social media.

A few days prior to our meeting, I saw a tweet from this guy saying he’d be in the Bay Area and asking if anyone wanted to get together. Twitter, at that time (about two years ago), was a much more intimate place. While I didn’t know him at all, I went to his profile to read a few of his tweets. He seemed like a friendly person who had a passion for using social media to connect with others. I was relatively new to Twitter at the time and decided to take a chance. He and I had never interacted before, but what’s the worst that could happen? I replied to his tweet, half-expecting not to hear back from him. But, I did.

There are moments in each of our lives when the path isn’t clear. We can keep on doing what we’ve been doing and be just fine, or we can take a chance, challenge ourselves and try something new. I wouldn’t realize until later that this was one of those moments for me.

I began my career in the corporate world somewhere around the dawn of time, but had been developing an interest and some level of expertise in social media and reputation management for quite some time. It wasn’t an intentional shift, it naturally evolved over time. A friend, who knew of my growing interest and skills, invited me to speak to a local organization and share some tips. The presentation was well received and the requests for me to speak and coach others began to pour in. I had already been a huge LinkedIn user and advocate for years prior to this and, similarly, was frequently asked to help others learn how to best use the tool.

I have no tech background, unless you count the two weeks I spent in college with keypunch cards. I didn’t get my first email account until I was well into my career. I wouldn’t know code if it ran over me. The first time I posted an event to Eventbrite, it took me an entire day – one from-morning-til-night day. It was new to me; this was all new to me. I pushed myself. I was frustrated. I was having fun. I had forgotten what it was like to have fun.

When I coached others, I often used myself as an example. “If I can learn to do it, so can you. I will be here to help you.” I found that this “take it slow” approach resonated with smart and talented people who happened to be just a little bit behind me in the learning curve. Still, I was doing this as a side project along with my other work. Inside, I wondered where this might take me. Was I too old to have a voice or have something to contribute? Would I make a fool out of myself because of my lack of tech skills? These and other questions had been churning in my mind, yet I had never shared my vision or concerns aloud.

He teased me about my social life. That’s when I knew we had connected. I somehow trusted him and wanted to get his feedback. His expertise far exceeded my own. He’s far younger than I am. I knew he had a completely different point of view, which is exactly what I wanted.

As I talked about the voice and presence I hoped to have, I expected him to laugh at the thought of someone from a pre-interenet generation imagining that they had something of value to share. I had already rationalized in my head that it would be OK if he laughed. I was ready for it, but it never happened. He immediately smiled and told me there was a great need for someone like me. He even offered helpful suggestions for next steps.

Looking back, there is no doubt that this was a moment for me. A guy with no agenda other than to be supportive and kind allowed me to take a leap of faith, saying aloud what had only been inside. After spending the afternoon together at a sidewalk cafe, I left feeling confident and energized. He smiled, he nodded, he bought me juice. And, he didn’t laugh at me.

We seldom know when others are in the midst of such a moment. They may not know it themselves. As they share what is on their minds, I wonder… Am I fully listening? Am I connecting? Am I being supportive?

I will forever be grateful for that wonderful afternoon with the nice guy who felt comfortable enough to tease me and who didn’t laugh. Thank you, Chris Brogan, for treating all moments as if they are important.

Image courtesy of *clairity*

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12 Comments

  1. Cath November 25, 2009 at 2:23 pm - Reply

    This struck a chord..it is all about those who have no agenda of their own but somehow play an unintentional part in our development and build our self confidence. Its all in the timing, that perfect moment..when we can look back and say..that was a true turning point.
    Accidental good fortune bodes well for our futures surely!

    • Irene Koehler November 25, 2009 at 3:44 pm - Reply

      You are so right, Cath. It is easier to identify these moments after they’ve happened, making them all the more special.

  2. AffirmingSpirit November 25, 2009 at 9:33 pm - Reply

    Irene, thank you for this great post!

    You’ve explained it beautifully here… imagine if you had *that* kind of on-going experience available to you every week, developing even deeper levels of trust? Creating that safe environment where the only agenda is helping each other, thereby gaining more for yourself than could be imagined, is one of the key concepts behind the groups I lead.

    When I look back at the success of my own business, I *know* it did not happen in a vacuum. It was the connection with many other biz owners that made the difference. For that reason, helping small biz owners/freelances create these kinds of relationships that support them in their success~while learning & applying spirit-centered techniques~has become a great passion.

    It’s amazing how connecting people from all over the country eliminates the *competition* that is normally felt in networking groups.

    Thank you for sharing this great story!

    Many blessings,
    Nancy
    .-= AffirmingSpirit´s last blog ..Cultivating Self-Love =-.

    • Irene Koehler November 26, 2009 at 6:01 pm - Reply

      Yes, the importance of building connections who support one another cannot be overstated. There is tremendous value in these nurturing relationships.

  3. Coach T.I.A November 25, 2009 at 9:54 pm - Reply

    Hey Irene! This is the first time I`ve read your blog even though we`ve been connected on twitter for a while.

    I had a moment of OMG wow, she`s doing exactly what I`ve envisioned for my new business and had to smile. Cos, a year ago I wld`ve felt uh-oh competition, but since being on twitter and meeting the most amazing and supportive people, I too choose collaboration.

    Don`t you just LOVE that we are all connected in how we think and act! Tribes 🙂

    What a beautiful story and one that people who ask `why twitter` would do well to read.

    Chris Brogan is one of my favourite tweeters and I was pleasantly surprised to see his name at the end 🙂 Thanks for sharing! You rock xo
    .-= Coach T.I.A ?s last blog ..Unmanifesting The Manifested ? How To KEEP What You Attract? =-.

    • Irene Koehler November 26, 2009 at 6:04 pm - Reply

      I agree. I’ve found many wonderful people through Twitter and other networking platforms who have become friends, clients and collaborators. They are all people I never would have met through any other means.

  4. Marissa Kobylenski December 2, 2009 at 9:11 am - Reply

    Thank you for a wonderful post and congratulate yourself on making it happen. We often do not tell people how important they are in our lives and they thought they were just being themselves. When I first looked at social media, my first thought was “I need a paper bag before I hyperventilate.” I was lucky to have a friend to help me too. Now, I need to tell her. Thanks for the reminder.

    • Irene Koehler December 2, 2009 at 12:50 pm - Reply

      Marissa, If I somehow inspired you to thank someone who helped you, then that makes me day!

  5. Ruth December 10, 2009 at 2:25 am - Reply

    Hi Irene,
    Reading your blog post, I felt like you were describing me.
    “Was I too old to have a voice or have something to contribute? Would I make a fool out of myself because of my lack of tech skills?”
    You’re lucky to have had that experience.Thanks for sharing it. Like you said it’s important to build connections, especially being a woman in a tech environment.
    You’ve certainly made my day.
    Thanks!
    Ruth

    • Irene Koehler December 10, 2009 at 3:19 am - Reply

      Thanks for the comment, Ruth. Appreciate hearing someone with similar concerns and experiences.

  6. Su Butcher December 18, 2009 at 12:17 am - Reply

    Hi Irene,
    Just been browsing your flickr pics from LeWeb and wandered over here – stumbled on this wonderful post.
    You’ve articulated something which I really love about twitter, one of the subtle qualities which outside observers miss.
    Su
    .-= Su Butcher´s last blog ..Hootsuite iPhone App Review ? 3 reasons why I won?t be switching from Tweetie just yet =-.

  7. […] December 18, 2009 ? 0 comments I?d recommend you pop over to Irene Koehler?s blog and read this post: Moments and The Power of Not Laughing […]

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